they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
