Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
