Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
