How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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