i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
