Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
and she was petting her beer can
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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