Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
