so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
