So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
