i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
3 2 1 whiskey
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
