So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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