I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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