ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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