If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
