I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
