What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize