At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
