i just wanna soil my oats bro
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
