Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
