Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
