I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
