New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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