what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
