we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
