I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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