update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize