I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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