"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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