Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
