i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
