I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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