they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
