I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
