What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
