do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
