Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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