sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
