Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
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