My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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