my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
50% drunk capacity currently
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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