i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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