i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize