She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
