im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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