My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize