there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
