the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
