We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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