I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
