I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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