Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
