i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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