It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
