ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
