My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I don't think brook has ever known best
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
