does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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