chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
