You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Randomize
