you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
