I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
