im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
