Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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