They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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