Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
