Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize