I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
