yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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