Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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