do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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