I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
