You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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