I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize