i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
