There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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