I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
