That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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