i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
