it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
i think my cat just said my name.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
