My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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