Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
