i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
