Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
