So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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