im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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