Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
