my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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