no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
