Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
