Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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