You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
