I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
babies were throwing up all over the place
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
