im having a threesome with these popsicles
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
