That's intense
there's paper in my vomit.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
