Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
