I need help removing her.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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