I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize