I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
