You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
