she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize