Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
